Washing Away the Doldrums: Ocean Swim 4/11/2022
It’s Monday. Monday mornings tend to be a bit rough for me. I don’t mind getting up early — I rise at 4:30 on weekdays. Over the past several months I wake up feeling a bit down. I feel like Sisyphus from that Greek myth who is cursed by Zeus and doomed to roll a boulder up a hill, watch it roll down, and then start all over again…over and over and over. I have been a software engineer for the past 23 years. My job is in so many ways very great and I love solving problems, but I don’t have the fire and passion I once had. I used to be a workaholic and would work constantly and I mean constantly. During this time I yearned for Monday but would work as much as I could during the weekend. I was totally miserable and then about five years ago I actually noticed I was miserable and forgot why I was working so much. It dawned on me that I needed a change. Software development suddenly felt very small to me and I knew there was something larger I could be doing with my life. Over months I made lots of changes to my life, I started eating better, exercising again, meditating, reading books on self-development, etc. I am so much happier now and am generally a very happy person. I’m just in a phase right now where I don’t know what lies ahead for me professionally and I wish I did.
Honestly it feels like a total first-world problem, but feelings are feelings and they can get the better of me first thing on a Monday morning. I’m not worried about it. Thanks to all the changes I made in my life I have a completely new perspective and have faith that if I keep moving forward and follow my heart, my vocation will emerge. I know this to be true. Who knows, maybe its in software and where I work now. While I will not always be thrilled with my present situation, I see an overall trajectory trending up and to the right. Hmm. I don’t know why I am using that businessy analogy because I kind of hate it.
I’ll tell you what is great for treating the Monday Doldrums (Monday or any other day), that's a swim in the ocean! I mean this in total seriousness. After I take the initial plunge into the water and start swimming, it’s like someone pressed the reset button. Whatever has got me down is literally washed away by the ocean and I have a much more energized, engaged and hopeful outlook. If I’m having a rough morning for whatever reason, I yearn for the ocean even on the coldest of Winter mornings. I give these feelings over to the ocean and it renews my sense of hope and fills me with a gratitude for exactly where I am…which just so happens to be…in the ocean! On a beach! Surrounded by cliffs and the sound of birds and the occasional dolphin sighting. What’s not to be grateful for?
Ok back to the day’s swim. It’s cloudy all morning but a relatively pleasant 58 degrees at my house all the way up until I leave for the beach at about 9:30. Walking out the door I see just a touch of blue in the sky. As I get closer to Strands parking lot there is more and more blue. Driving by Doheny, the water looks super choppy. Well, it can’t be glassy every morning. The ocean is gonna give what it gives.
I pass by J.C. Beans coffee house and notice they no longer have the sign that says “Best Coffee in Town.” I wonder if this is because they no longer have the best coffee? Who does have it? I think their coffee is pretty darn good. Maybe they don’t want to have a big head about it anymore and toot their horn about having great coffee. Perhaps they don’t want to look desperate. Being the shop that screams out “Our coffee is the best” just isn’t the vibe they want to give off. It’s good enough just to focus on making the best coffee they can make that day. If you think it’s the best in town, then wonderful.
I get to the parking lot and the sky is totally blue — much more inviting than yesterday. However the south wind is even stronger today and the water is even rougher. That’s cool. Bring it!
I bring my backpack filled with a sweatshirt and towel and keep my long sleeves on during the ten minute walk down the stairs. Even with the sun I’m a bit cooler than I was yesterday, probably because I didn’t run first.
When I first feel the water, it seems to feel just a touch warmer than yesterday. Surfline is reporting 61 to 62 now. I set my backpack down in the usual spot. The one where I know there are no rocks even on the lowest of tides. I remove my shirt, grab the goggles, zip the backpack and head out in the water. Wow. It really feels so much warmer these past few days. There is something about the climb from 59 to 60 that just changes everything. I admit part of me misses the cold and who knows, it can always come back but we will absolutely be seeing less and less of it and if this year is like last year, its gone until October and then leaves a week later until its back for good in December. At 59 and below I can feel my body switch into a different mode of existence. At 60 and above I don’t feel like my body is fighting for warmth.
I always start swimming south. With this wind that takes me directly into the current and the brunt of the small wakes that bobble past the surf line. It feels like half the time I come up for air a small wake rolls over my head. Overall it is very invigorating. I love it. I reach the southernmost cove of the beach and turn around to head North. It feels like I am being pushed and overall things seem more peaceful. When I get to the North end of my swim at the bathrooms near the Salt Creek lifeguard tower and turn for my final ten minute swim South, the tone immediately shifts and it is a rough and tumble joy ride through the wind.
Finally I am back on shore and ready to get back to work. I decline to towel off and also leave my shirt in the backpack. The sun feels super good now and I will appreciate a dry towel after my shower at home.
Walking up the stairs I meditate on surrender and feel peace. I am heading to where I am heading by an ocean of love. The less I try to control my circumstances or resist them the better. This is a lesson I’ve been focusing on for the past five years and hardly consider myself a novice. The ocean is such a great teacher.
